Never Again
by TealEyed-Quatre
Summary: Oneshot, AU of sorts. Fai's finally lost everything. Angst, deathfic, hints of YAOI. Rated for mature themes.


A/N: This was inspired by a memorial service I attended today, as well as the Evanescence songs "Breathe No More" and "My Immortal". I don't own Tsubasa or its characters.

Warnings: YAOI, angst, AU, DEATH, possible suicide.

Never Again

How long had it been, Fai mused absentmindedly, since he knelt over the broken, bleeding body of his lover, cradled his head in his lap as he died? Days, months, even years?

He couldn't remember. The passage of time was meaningless to him… He was dead inside. Life had no purpose, no_**reason**_… He had nothing without Kurogane.

Mokona had been with the children, then, searching desperately for Sakura's memory feather as he and the ninja warded off the world's demons. They had been holding their own, biding time, when his world came to a screeching halt.

Fai remembered glancing over his shoulder at Kurogane, a silly nickname on the tip of his tongue, only to see one of the monsters manage to get behind him. His own desperate warning had only distracted him further, and a blow had been scored on the man's unprotected back.

He'd fought them like a demon himself, every vow he'd ever made broken in his frenzied attempts to reach his lover. The world around him was silent; he saw nothing but the blood and the short, wheezing movements of Kurogane's chest as he drew in air.

At last, he knelt next to him, uncaring of the blood and dirt and filth coating his trousers as he lifted him onto his lap, tried to staunch the bleeding of the wound with his own discarded clothing.

He'd refused to believe that the effort was futile- though he could feel the slowing of his heartbeat and the contractions of his lungs becoming shallower. Tears fell like rain down his face, nearly obscuring his vision. He wouldn't- _couldn't_- lose him! He had nothing else, no other reason to live.

Then those red eyes met his, and in that instant, he'd known it was over. There wouldn't be a miracle, this wasn't a dream—it was _**over**_. With a cry of anguish, he accepted Kurogane's last gift: a single, breathless kiss.

It was as if every emotion, every breath, every spark of life had leaked from him and into the ground. This was it. No more kisses, cuddles, embraces, no more shouts of half-hearted anger. Nothing left.

Fai didn't know how long it'd been. No price in the world could bring back the dead- he knew it, they all knew it. Every moment since then he'd spent lost in his own mind, catatonic and unable to function.

How could he even begin to _think_ of getting up, moving on?! Yet again, he'd brought death to the one closest to him. Just another mistake he'd made, another death chalked up to the curse that he had become. And yet it was more.

The man had been his soulmate, his life, his breath. He'd given Kurogane everything, every broken shard, and watched as he pieced them back together and made him as whole as he could ever be.

He had known, always, the risk of getting closer, of giving this man what he had—all previous evidence pointed straight at the ultimate price. But he had been foolish; had believed, against his own judgment, that this time would be different. And now he was gone.

Now, he decided, he'd had enough. It was time to go; time to rid the world of his curse forever more. The children would get over it; they were strong and resilient. It wasn't like he was much help anyways, not with his heart ripped out the way it had been.

He could feel it now, bleeding. The pressure in his chest easily surpassed any amount of pain that he had ever endured before, crushing him beneath the weight of his guilt. His truths. _**His curse**_**. **

With no small amount of difficulty, he sat up. He had no idea where he was and he didn't care. He brushed brittle blonde hair from his face, tucking it behind his ears and struggling to his feet.

Panting, he raised his hands and focused, painting glowing blue runes in the air around him. A spell began to form, deadly and difficult and beautiful. When he finished, Fai stepped back to look at his handiwork.

_Never again._

With one last breath, a tear slipped from his eye and he activated the spell. Pain shot through him and he crumpled to the ground, mouth opened in a voiceless scream.

_Never again. _

His heart slowed and stopped, lungs ceased to expand, his brain slowed to a crawl.

_Never again._

His soul hovered for a moment, eyeing the body with a strange mixture of distaste and satisfaction. The he was gone, spirited away to a place where he would remain for the rest of eternity.

_Never again. _

_**Never again. I'm so sorry… I've failed you all. I'm sorry for all the death and destruction and calamity… It won't happen again. **_


End file.
